#we carry our dead
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Jean Veber (1868-1928) - Nous portons nos morts (We carry our dead), 1905
#jean veber#nous portons nos morts#we carry our dead#dark art#allegory#symbolism#death in art#art#illustration
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Jean Veber - We carry our dead, 1905.
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they're so in love, but like in a lesbian way
#shdjdjr#did a warm up doodle before starting commissions but kinda got carried away djdjdj#anyways u can pry he/him lesbian leo from our cold dead hands#god we love them sm#10 points to whoever can guess who's fronting on this alone /lh#hehehehe#mycel doodles#mutant mayhem#leopril
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chat i am NOT appreciating the stares i got from walking across campus to cvs in my hoodie and sweatpants as if we didn’t just sit through ANOTHER hurricane like chill man i didn’t sleep well let me get my monster to finish my logic homework in peace 😭
#spent all night having not quite nightmares not quite stress dreams#periodically woken up by storm noises (sleeping with your back to a window during a hurricane when you get shellshock from loud storm noises#- is NOT a fun experience i would not recommend)#and THEN getting woken up at 5 am by an emergency alert warning about flash floods until like 11:45 when i have a 10 am class that morning 🙃#luckily my professor cancelled class for that (and my other class was cancelled for it to)#but tbh i was NOT gonna walk 7 minutes to the second farthest building on campus through that either way#i was just gonna send him a pdf of my homework and say ‘i’m not walking through a flash flood for this class sorry 😭’#also my school didn’t do shit for this?? they’ve been sending us emails all week about dangerous weather#but made SURE to add in all caps in every one that classes and stuff will go on as normal#cofc doesn’t stop until we’re dead i guess what the fuck 😭#scratch that i mean everything’s as normal except half of our dining halls are closed. so i have to walk 7 minutes out for food anyway 🙃#BECAUSE MY SNACK STASH IS DEPLETED BECAUSE ITS BEEN JANKY ALL WEEK 🙃🙃🙃#what was this post about again??#WAIT AND THEN THE NORMAL ‘AROUND CAMPUS’ ROUTE I TAKE TO MY HOUSE WAS CLOSED#SO I HAD TO GO THROUGH THE MAIN PART OF CAMPUS#IN MY HOODIE & SWEATS & CARRYING MY MONSTER & POP TARTS#WHILE THERE WERE LIKE THREE TOUR GROUPS STANDING THERE I WANNA DIEEEEEE#wait i can’t say that anymore. uhhh hold on let me find the list. ummm. ‘i’m gonna start a scam company’ there we go.#grace being stupid#text post#personal
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whether by accident or fortune you and i, we are matter and it matters
#ocs.#danu.#eska.#MY BELOVEDS#YES they are dragonball ocs leave me ALONE /lh#i wanted to finish this as like a femslash february thing but that didn't end up happening. as you can see#regardless this too is yuri#what if we were entities of life and death. our existences intrinsically linked to the other#what if one of us began to crumble under the desperate search for meaning when reality exists infinitely upon itself#and yet we are dead and gone in every single one searched. perhaps we never existed at all#what answer can the entity of death give to those she has taken unto her own heart as she carried them away? that her promises are hollow?
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#Ignore me#4 months is quickly coming up... 4 months since Alec died#Every moment of every day I'm at a loss for what to do#And how to behave#Keeping myself busy at work is nice. I have#To be forced to use my brain other ways and do things#But by the end of the day I'm so unbelievably exhausted#I'm just masking as a happy-okay person.#I spend the quiet time at work rotating this new reality#It's exhausting to pretend to be okay#But what else am I supposed to do?#It's not fair to the people around me to constantly be on the brink of crying.#To be sad and quiet and idk. I don't want their pity or sad looks#But sometimes I do just wanna scream#I don't always want to hear about their recent adventures#I want to curl up in a ball because my regrets are eating me from the inside out#I fucked up an important part of my life because I'm a coward and#I was juggling too many trashfires in my life to deal with the messy place#We left our friendship. I thought there was time. There should've been time.#A whole lifetime to figure it out. Make things worse. Make things better.#To be happy#And now he's dead and none of it matters#I'm supposed to live the rest of my life now#I don't know how to do that anymore#Nothing feels right or real#Every atom of my being keeps raging against the truth#He's gone#The sweet boy that would make me laugh... share my love of myth & language...#Carry me bridal style... kiss every inch of my face... kiss the palm of my hand#And then hold it to his chest to fall asleep....
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ok I know I'm already in the process of writing an extremely long video game retelling/au where the protag is a nonhuman who gets suddenly and unwillingly put in a situation where they have to pass as A Normal Guy by the threat of harm/death while also being put into a role where they're the Only One capable of saving the world. but what if I started a DIFFERENT one too
#howling#specifically I've been tossing around this bg3 scenario#where the dark urge and some random druid (specifically a circle of spores druid) are on the nautaloid when it gets attacked#the druid dies badly and the symbiotic entity they're carrying gets kicked out of their host#and so it attaches itself to the nearest living thing as like a self-preservation measure#which happens to be a VERY lobotomized dark urge#as in 'practically brain dead'#and so the entity is now stuck in a new body they have to figure out how to pilot COMPLETELY ALONE#other than the extremely unhelpful passenger already in this fucker's brain (the tadpole)#and still has the dark urge instincts and. well. urges. but they have even LESS access to memories than normal durge has#so it now has to both convince their friends AND their enemies that yes they definitely are a humanoid guy with a past#and not a cloud of sentient fungus puppeting a sort-of corpse#idk I just really love the idea of everyone being like 'wow it's so fucked up that we have parasites in our brains threatening to take over#and this guy is just like. oh hahah yeah (<- is a parasite who took over a guys brain)#anyways. id still be writing history offers preservation but id just ALSO be doing this too#like. idk maybe it'll help my writers block if I can mix shit up a bit#use scrapped ideas for one that might work better for the other y'know#this also isn't like. a guaranteed thing btw. I've just been rotating this concept in my brain for a bit now
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that was my first maintank trial and BOY did our offtank spend the entire time trying to kill me.
#like. it wasn't that bad but one of our healers was also new so she was dead literally every time i looked#our other healer carried so hard#and i had to work. harder than i should have kdjafljasf#please sir we don't have to share the tankbusters that's not how these ones work#just baby emanation so it wasn't. hard especially it was just like watching everyone die and carefully avoiding aoes on my head which didn'#need to be there.#xiv blogging#saw we were both in cutscenes like. oh. i should probably grab this hfadkjf#... i like offtanking though it's just. unkillable dps.#let me be more lazy than i usually am#technically i guess i did a couple of the early primals but at this point they dont really count#because you see a third of the mechanics#watching two of the dps and one healer run away from stack mechanics was also. something. like oh i better run over there LOL.
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really annoying and cruel and evil and messed up all my friends don't live in the same city. ive got so good at being alone ive convinced myself i could live the rest of my life alone and never be any less happy, and i still believe that, but then we have a good conversation or they make me laugh too much and it's like. oh. this is what it's all about. why can't we all live in the same building
#tonight we're thinking about all the things we never knew we were missing out due to Circumstances in childhood#not in a woeful way in an aweful way#like what else are they right about i didn't know i was neglecting#i wanna move out of america and see what society is like when its community oriented we are not supposed to live so distrustful and private#but we weirdly pride ourselves on our imposed victimhood not realizing its a symptom#of trauma#i guess#that word is overused but i feel the definition matches the use here#in america we are divided into competitors and isolators-the two archetypes of traumatized children. only competitors are rewarded here#bc america itself from day 1 has been a rebellious little shit trying to prove its place in the world as a big kid to be taken serious#idk im half drunk its 3am ive been watching the same 4 episodes of greys anatomy with shorty bc she keeps falling asleep and rewinding it#so what da fuk do i know meredith grey has been dying of covid for leik 80 hours and im just happy to be here#half drunk is stretching it i finished her 4loko bc she asked me to and i did bc i am hispanic and would have my ass BEAT if i waste#i miss so many people i hope they can feel it when i send love their way#“so many” the peoples absence i carry like the ache in my bones this particular night is two and one of them is dead lol#oh we are about to spiral if we keep this up im going to bed instead
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*staring at the ceiling* i was a weird kid
#in year 5 i tried to eat someones shoe. while they were wearing it#i carried a plushie horse with me everywhere and accidentally started a dragon themed gang#i ate sticks just to prove i could#god the amount of stories my sister has about me stopping to pick up dead things on our way to school#or the fact that i used to walk like a dinosaur everywhere#i kissed my teacher in year 2 which wasnt weird in the grand scheme of things but still. cmon dude.#OH i bit my best friend on the back so hard he had teeth marks for a week ://#the weird part is that it only happened bc i couldnt sleep during nap time so i made a game of trying to catch his shirt with my teeth#when he breathed out (we werent even in kindy at the time and his mum was my day-carer)#like i was a little fucking weirdo#no wonder i am the way i am#you dont turn into this *gestures to all of me* by growing up normal#captain speaks
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NAMI HAS TAKEN ACTION!!! LETSGOOOOO
#when is uta gonna physically fight luffy..... it's just a matter of time#shanks planning on coming back?? its been 84 years.... that probably was only said to makino bc he is trying to sway her.... girl run...#'that's our local sea beast' so he just hangs out??? well fuck me#luffy was just fucking around about the making a new era and look what happened.... apollo blessed him....#the sun god omg.... nika..... ahdahsaj i ws fucking around with that too HAJSHAJA#oh no shit he does actually come back.... i thought this was the same time... omg... THAT'S EVEN SKETCHIER!!!#thinking luffy wss just here alone depressed in foosha and ace was there alone depressed on the forest too...... 🥺🥺🥺#ohhhh little luffy....... like i know she is not dead but something happened..... what....#oh it might seem like she died... elegia destroyed bc of shanks??? what is that and tot music (sounds like catalan meaning all music to me)#beckman has haki too? like zoro........#SHE HAS BEEF WITH SHANKS?? SEE HOW HE IS SKETCHY!! WHATS WITH THAT FACE???#i need to make my evil shanks cosnpiracy board but that whill be implied on my other bigger conspiracy board i am sure#talking tag#watching one piece#episode 1030#zeus got free... its namis turn...#usopp and nami being strong and brave for tama..... exactly.....#and so they meet again..... oh new break with momo.......#otama tamed big mom too omg ajdhajshaja prometheus saying she enters mom mode with kids under 10 AHDHAJSHAJ#no way big mom is turning on kaido for this.... SHE KNOWS RYUO TOO??? SHE IS NOT TOUCHING HIM OMG#goodbye page one... jesus.... now his sister..... damn#damn. wasnt expecting all that. now nami can take zeus either way hehe#episode 1031#when are we gonna get ad breaks for the rest of the crew.... we get it zoro and luffy are important.... okay....#sanji carrying zoro.... here we go....#PEROSPERO????? DIEEEE!!!! WHERE IS CARROT???#komachiyo..... TAMAA!!!!! usopp tells nami to take her and run.... NAH!!!! FUCK HER SHIT UP!!!!!!#nami finally fighting omg i have been waiting for this moment#episode 1032
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when this barbarity one day ends—and it will. it will—i don't want to hear one fucking word about antisemitism within the arab community. i don't want to hear one word about the human rights those countries lack. i don't want to hear it. i don't want to fucking hear it.
#vent post#mari talks#im so fucking angry. i could write for so so long.#literally the only pr israel has left is its being a 'jewish' homeland#if it was american and british or some kind of evangelical christian colony#IF IT WAS MUSLIM LMFAO#the arguments that white western liberals cry of 'but the antisemitisim :(' would literally carry no merit#bc everyone understands when its a historically colonial nation doing the colonising#and theyre quite happy to be antisemitic in their own countries mind you!!#but when its arab and brown people they hate EVEN MORE#THATS when the white guilt flares up. bc we had nothing to do with ww2 or the holocaust. its all them.#THATS when the guilt flares up strong enough to justify genocide#and somehow. everyone understand when our regions hate america and britain and the colonial powers#but people are STILL going 'omg the arabs are saying antisemitic things....' when it comes to the colonial power of israel#OF COURSE THEY ARE YOU FUCK. THE GOVERNMENT IS EXTERMINATING PEOPLE IN THE NAME OF JUDAISM#WHAT IS A PERMANENTLY TRAUMATISED POPULATION MEANT TO DO?#GO ONLINE AND DECONSTRUCT THEIR BIASES?#THEY CANT FUCKING DO THAT! THEIR INTERNET IS CUT OFF! THEIR FAMILIES ARE *DEAD!*#im gonna be quite now. feel free to reply or whatever ill decide if i want this rebloggable
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🦋
#the fucking audacity to ask why anyone is not documenting their own slaughter correctly is baffling&offensive just in general#but we have had to watch an actively documented genocide be questioned for validity. families carrying trash bags#full of children's body parts. videos of families mourning in public bc they cant reach corpses for proper burial or retrieval.#press confrences happening surrounded by the dead&wounded. released death tolls&official documentation.#&we have watched the most powerful forces in the world deny that any of this is happening. not just encourage it but FUND it.#deny the doll counts. deny the atrocities that we can see w our fucking eyes.#i still remember how many fucking ppl were adamant about 'what does sharing any of this do??? what does sharing the documentation do#other than upset ppl???'#how fucking dare the same fucking ppl ask questions of why the sudanese ppl arent documenting their genocide clearly enough.#its all the same flavour of willful genocide denial&hiding their heads in the fucking sand&it makes me want to rip chunks out of ppl#w my bare fucking teeth.
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i just realised that ethel cain famous last words is zelink and i think you should know that
i do💖
#YOU WERE THE ONE I'D COME LOOKING FORRRR!! OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAINNNNN#LOOK AT ME BABY DEAD IN MY EYESS IT'S THE END OF OUR HOLIDAY BUT IT ISN'T GOODBYEEEE#CARRY ME WITH YOU ALL OF THE TIMEEEE#ask#supercoolswampert#hi hanaan!#you've never been incorrect ever we always agree on zelink this is great
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I was trying out variations on colorways for aubree's outfit and, with a few of them, realized that her outfit has trended slightly less colorful over time, and specifically less yellow (originally a green and yellow striped vest, then a green vest over a yellow short sleeved shirt, and now possibly a white shirt and green vest, with only small amounts of yellow embroidery). this wasn't intentional, but nonetheless, the concept that, as the adventure has worn on, she's outwardly losing color-- and specifically in favor of browns and whites, the colors associated with the halfling god of death-- is compelling to me. I mean, I suppose if I had been doing it on purpose, the shadowfell arc immediately following our literal deaths and mysterious rebirths would have been a really good time for the most muted palette... but, then again, aubree was still relatively fresh then, confused and traumatized but also still powerfully and stubbornly alive where it counts; vibrant, burning, shining light into dark corners just by existing. but the more we learn, the heavier things weigh, the fewer outlets she has, the less she feels like she can relate to the people who should understand better than anyone... she's still righteous and angry, but she's also just... sad, and tired, and growing more tired the more she feels like she has to keep herself together for everyone else. and gradually, quietly, her colors are washing out.
#not to be fake deep I guess I just love her#and she's having A Rough Go Of It#this isn't even the most rough SHE'S personally had this campaign actually!#but *I'm* a lot more upset about the party failing to give her meaningful support than she is lmaooo#THIS is more-- okay the raven queen is DEAD and the fate of COUNTLESS SOULS in transition is now uncertain#and it's directly because bringing us back to life significantly weakened the gods that did that!! that's all pretty upsetting!!!#also what might this mean for urogalan? or for our warlock's demigod patron who wasn't that powerful to begin with?#but lisbet's so far up her own invented grimdark emo nonsense that she's implying maybe the Right Thing would be for us to all die(???)#and talia's like [shrug] dude idk we didn't ask them to do that so who cares. whatever. it's literally not our problem lighten up#OH OKAY OKAY OKAY I'LL JUST CARRY ALL OF THIS FEAR AND EMPATHY BY MYSELF THEN. WHILE YOU ALL TREAT ME LIKE I'M BEING DRAMATIC.#THAT'S FINE.#[strained humorless grin] and she doesn't even KNOW about the time she was unconscious and being closed in on by monsters--#and the party all ran in every possible other direction to do literally everything else other than PROTECT HER WHEN SHE WAS HELPLESS#justin had NPCs on standby in case things got ugly without The Tank but they straight up were the only ones who helped me at all#.... ANYWAY. all of which is to say. we're not on a darkest timeline path or anything but she's in the metaphorical moonlight right now#and it's only by the grace of 'I trust my DM' and specifically 'this campaign balances darkness with meaningful hope and love really well'#that she's not doing worse :') got some dark times to stew in#but now that I'm thinking about it I can be proactively thinking about when to bring more yellow back in#about me#my OCs#aubree
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another highlight of dnd:
ranger beheaded a guy (this is a not very agreed upon action by a few party members, including fang). she's getting ready to bury him, fang goes over to... pay respects? something?
she cautions that beheadings are pretty gruesome, and fang just offhandedly replies, "I've seen limbs being ripped off" to be like "i literally have already seen this shit, it's w/e"
except. i said. "rimbs being lipped off"
and i had to pause. and be like. "... let's try that again" sdlkfjslkdfj kind of ruined the serious of the scene for a bit
#speculation nation#d&d#fang#it sure was. something!#it's like. well. ranger did this bc she thought it was the best course of action for our safety#paladin Strongly Disagreed. started storming off (but fang went after her to convince her to not Completely leave)#fang was... disturbed by it. but More unhappy that the ranger did this w/o talking to anyone about it first#the other two didnt seem to truly care. which honestly tracks as far as party reactions go.#fang had... kind of a weird reaction to this tbh. trying to rationalize it to himself. compartmentalize.#trying his best to not fall apart and cling to what pieces of connections he's managed to gather.#but also. this was the dude that tried to steal from him. & he major overreacted & tried to apologize to him#and... now he's dead. and fang's kinda in shock of that tbh.#he worked hard last session to make sure this guy got out of the zombie situation alive. and then suddenly he was dead.#fang didnt like the dude. but he saw some parts of himself in him. & knew he was ultimately not malicious.#so he went to. pay respects in a way. while also talking to the ranger about why she did this#and why theyre so unhappy she did it w/o talking to the group first.#back when we first met him. this dude tried to steal fang's comic book. something of deep sentimental value to fang#he learned how to read with this thing. it means a lot to him.#and... in this moment. the best way to carry on this guy's memory. was to... connect the two things#fang took the book out. didnt have a pen or anything. so he just... dipped his finger in this guy's blood & started to draw#drawing on the inside of the front cover his best rendition of this guy's face#permanently staining something that is from a tender memory with a frankly kind of gruesome dedication of remembrance.#when asked what he was doing & why he was using Blood. fang replied that blood holds a person's essence in a way#and what better way to remember someone than to carry their blood in their image forever more?#considering he literally wears the fang of his distant relative on a necklace at all times as a reminder to himself / a token#he kinda... is just like this. he really kinda is a creepy guy sometimes. comes with the shadow soul sorcerer thing i guess#me realizing fang wanted to immortalize this guy in some way and being like 'oh geeze this is gonna b kinda fucked up. sorry guys'#b4 describing him literally drawing on his sentimental comic book with this guy's blood. like . ok#additionally. the ranger is the person he had that whole 'if i turn evil pls kill me' convo with#a part of him is going like 'man she really Will kill me if it comes down to it huh?' & like. there's relief to that
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